2020…A New Beginning & New Issues

Happy New Year!

I wish everyone a great year.  As for me…

Received an awesome reward from MrsL after the new year….a great orgasm.  That brought some joy after a really bad weekend.

I went home to see my Dad over the weekend.  Nothing has improved with his relationship with his wife.  I get it…she is on her third marriage (first one ended in divorce because he cheated on her, second ended when her husband passed from cancer, and now my Dad) PLUS she had to bury her only child two years ago so the holidays are hard on her.  BUT those losses DO NOT excuse insulting him, belittling him, and treating him the way she does.  To make matters more concerning:  she has been telling us for the past two years that my Dad “couldn’t remember” anything.  Her primary example was always “having to make a list to go to the grocery store and still forgetting items on the list”.  I’ll be honest, I wasn’t too concerned.  That all changed this weekend but it started last month.

On 29’s birthday in November, he called and said he hadn’t heard from his Pa.  That was unusual because it was already late in the day.  So, I called my Dad and even though I called and gave him 29’s new phone number in September when it changed, my Dad said he didn’t have the new number.  So, I gave him the number and he said he was going to call as soon as hung up (he still has an old hard wired phone on the wall that has to be hung up).  Later that night, 29 called for a different reason and mentioned to his Mom that he still hadn’t heard from my Dad.  That worried me but I blew it off because when I gave him 29’s number I heard the wife yelling in the background.

During that same call on 29’s birthday, I made sure he had 24’s number as well.  His birthday was last Friday.  We had all gathered at MrsL’s middle sisters house (first time her entire side of the family had been together at the holidays in 10+ years) and 24 came up to me saying he had missed a call from his great aunt and she had left a voice mail wishing him happy birthday.  I told him to call her back.  That’s when he told me that my Dad had not called and it was already 7 p.m.   That really bothered me so I told him to call him as well.  The report I got back after he stepped outside to call them both scared the hell out of me.  My Dad told his grandson he had forgotten it was his birthday!  What makes it worse is my Dad has a calendar on the refrigerator by the phone with all of the important dates circled and highlighted.  When I got there Sunday, 24’s birthday was highlighted and circled…yet he forgot!  I flipped back to November and sure enough 29’s birthday was highlighted and circled.

Fast forward to Sunday night, the 2nd wife had been a bitch the entire time we had been there and I was ready to pack up and leave then she came over and sat down beside me. “Your Daddy wants to tell you something but I don’t think he will unless I say something first…he is really having issues with his memory.”  At that point, he finally said something about how his memory losses are starting to bother him.  Between the two of them, I got a couple more examples over the past few months of things very concerning: getting lost while driving to her place of work (an address he had been to dozens of times), asking a recent widow where her husband was at church a few weeks back even though Dad had been at the man’s funeral six weeks ago.

Then, the power went out at the house due to the wind/rain.  MrsL and I flipped on our phone flashlights so we had some light (living out in the country it gets dark without lights).  My Dad said “I guess we will have to light some candles” and started fumbling through a drawer for some matches.  That is when the wife chimed in:  “we have all of those battery powered lanterns back in the closet…go get them.”  My Dad’s response, “Oh I forgot about those”.   When he went back to get the lanterns, she leaned over and said he had done the exact same thing last month when they lost power during storm.  More concerns!

Thankfully, he still has a hard wired phone because there is absolutely NO cell phone service at his house.  Watching him try to do the simple task of call in the emergency number for the electric company and write down the new number from their voice mail made my heart sink.  He had to call back numerous times and could not listen to the message and transfer the number to paper.  After six or seven attempts, I finally got up and politely said let me help.  I could sense his embarrassment and angst at what was happening.

I don’t know what to do!  Obviously, we need to get him to a doctor.  So many questions! Is it dementia?  Is it Alzheimer’s?  Is it something else?  Then…I don’t like her but she is there with him.  If he is on this path she is going to be there and I don’t know if I can ever trust her to not pull some shenanigans with his legal documents.


3 thoughts on “2020…A New Beginning & New Issues

  1. Dear…

    so sorry for you and your family that you have to go through this.
    Getting him diagnosed is very important. Maybe you should discuss with him giving you Power of attorney (or what the equivalent is in the USa), and to make decisions about his medial care. He will probably want his wife to do this, but you need to talk about it. Maybe you can both be the decision makers.
    My father very suddenly had to take over his parents affairs and it was not easy for him, especially being the youngest of 3 brothers, who did not seem to care. Suddenly being the parent is not what we expect to do, and of course you have to consider the controlling wife. In the end, she has to accept that you have equal rights and responsibilities, and yes, she is the one caring for him every day, so she will argue she knows better what to do. But being an “outsider” can make you more objective.
    Consider getting some help (carers), so she can have some time away, as being cooped up in a house with a person who forgets the simplest things is stressful and will lead to her resenting him.
    It is a scary time for all of you, certainly for your father, and he will probably fight back and refuse help. The important thing is to keep communicating.
    I hope you and your family find the strength to sing from one hymn sheet in the process to figure this out.

    I thoroughly enjoy reading about your life, and I wish you and the family a good 2020.

    Like

  2. Maybe your dad is in a FLR relationship and his wife is in charge, sort of like yours. Maybe you should check with him before you condemn the wife and accuse her of tampering with legal documents.

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    1. First, there is a BIG difference between a FLR and what is happening with my Dad. Second, I have checked with him. Third, and if you have read my other post about this woman, she has been threatening to divorce him and “take everything he has so we can’t have it!” That is not a FLR. She is a miserable vindictive woman! Tennessee marital property law is very clear and she isn’t entitled to anything of my Dad’s unless she tampers with his legal documents and I wouldn’t put that past her!

      Unfortunately, I have too many friends who have watched their father’s remarry after losing their Mom only to have the 2nd wife manipulate the father and I will not let it happen to my Dad!

      Like

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