It has been awhile since I have spent this many days locked in MrsL’s Steelheart. Couple that with the fact that I was at home by myself for half of this period, I have had a lot of time to ponder a few things; specifically, some questions I have received via this blog, FetLife, and Twitter.
There are; inevitably, two major themes drive most of the questions/comments. First: you are not really living a chastity lifestyle because you are not locked. Second: my masturbation doesn’t take a toll on my sex life.
Let’s start with the obvious: I’ve been told by several men and women alike that I can’t say I am chaste unless I am in some type of chastity device. Let’s face facts, I am unlocked more than I am locked in MrsL’s Steelheart. Here’s the thing, I’ve retrained myself, both through enforced chastity and a commitment to Devotional Sex when not locked, to NOT masturbate in order to save all of my sexual energy for my wonderful Wife/Keyholder/Controller of my orgasms. There is NO ONE RIGHT WAY to do chastity. Whether I am locked in the Steelheart or not, I CHOOSE to be chaste. I CHOOSE to not masturbate and expend my sexual energy selfishly on me. I CHOOSE to channel all of my sexual energy into MrsL.
YES, I would prefer to be locked in the Steelheart (and yes we are still trying to find a travel safe device as well as trying to save for a Steelworks Extreme full titanium but a wedding comes first) all of the time. These past 10 days have been absolutely fantastic. Having my manhood encased in stainless steel coupled with truly not having easy access to a key has rekindled my desire to be locked all of the time. Unfortunately, my upcoming trip to Paris for a week will put a dent in that feeling. However, living a Devotional Sex lifestyle and committing to only having an orgasm when allowed by MrsL is just as good. Sure, I tend to let my hands find my unlocked cock and even stroke myself at time BUT my commitment to her overpowers the need to have an orgasm.
Next: I have had a few guys tell me that masturbating daily doesn’t have any impact on their sex life with their spouse, girl/boy friend, lover, etc. All I say is keep telling yourself that because I didn’t believe it until I stopped.
I will not do this justice but there is a huge dopamine drop with a corresponding increase in prolactin after an orgasm. There are many hundreds, if not thousands, of web pages dedicated to this chemical action in our bodies. I copied this chart from this link to ensure proper attribution.
For me, that dopamine drop was being exacerbated by jerking off multiple times a day so the roller coaster shown in the chart had steeper dives in dopamine and higher spikes of prolactin. Not to mention, I believed for all of my sexual life that sex wasn’t complete until I had an orgasm. Unfortunately, that meant I trained myself to focus SOLELY on my needs and enjoyment. It wasn’t until two or three months into being locked that I truly discovered how to make MrsL’s head explode with an orgasm beautifully drawn from her body by my complete attention to her needs.
I can honestly say that I could care less if I have an orgasm. I get a huge dopamine rush from making her toes curl and her body quiver with my tongue. The best part, I don’t have that drop coupled with the spike in prolactin. Not to mention, the foreplay leading up to her orgasm (or two or three or….) is awesome. We kiss more. We cuddle more. Our hands roam more. I kiss all over her body. It is awesome!
Even those times when MrsL wants the cock inside her, which has been a lot lately, I KNOW that I am not going to have an orgasm making it so much more intimate. She directs where she wants me then ultimately guides the hard cock to her soaking wet pussy. I take the cues from my body and alter my thrust to create a “tantric orgasm” which takes the build up of energy just before an actual orgasm and dissipates it through my body. My body shudders each time. MrsL LOVES that, as do I, because it helps keep the cock erect.
Chastity is many different things to many different people. MrsL and I have found what works for us which is what living a Wife Led Marriage is about, right? If chastity means you are always locked up, great. There is no one right way. Enjoy it as you and your Keyholder see fit.