I have been on an emotional roller coaster the past few days. It has been truly a struggle to get past these feelings of jealousy, anger, and pettiness. This morning, after waking up twice during the night stroking my hard cock and finally waking up sick, I knew I needed to be locked in MrsL’s Steelheart.
When I woke her up an hour later, I knelt by the side of the bed and explained why I had been such an ass the past few days. It was cathartic.
First, I explained my ongoing struggle with feeling like I am always fighting for her attention and jealousy. The thing is, I’m jealous of her t.v. time. She lay the listening all the while stroking my hair.
I know it sounds odd especially knowing of my desire for her to cuckold me. In my mind, I know I would enjoy her gaining sexual pleasure while I watched and maybe even tell her my bisexual urges and participate. However, I feel like I can’t compete with the fictional characters on t.v. Granted, all of this jealousy over fictional characters seems stupid but it is how I feel.
I then explained how I got furious Saturday over a question she asked about our upcoming anniversary trip to Maui. While at our nephew’s wrestling tournament this weekend we discovered we are going to miss the state championships while in Hawaii. When she came back from the concession stand with her sister she looked at me and asked: “Can we postpone our trip to Maui so we can be here for (insert nephews name). I was watching another of our nephew’s teammates and let the question linger.
At first, I thought she was kidding. Then I looked up and saw she was asking a serious question. I explained how I had to book the hotel and flights six months in advance and I really wasn’t interested in scrambling with the hotel and airline to make last minute changes. She seemed to accept my answer and we dropped the conversation. That question furthered my feelings I have of always being a second or even third priority for her sometimes. I let that fester all day yesterday.
Then, last night happened. I went to bed again two hours before she did and felt neglected. I lay there debating myself over my feelings. I was still mentally arguing with myself when she came to bed. MrdL curled up behind me, reached over my hips, cupped my balls in her hand, then drifted off to sleep. At that point ask of my feelings of jealousy and being ignored vanished.
Waking up vigorously stroking a stiff cock, not once but twice, convinced me I needed to break protocol and ask her to put me in her Steelheart. She had a rule that I can’t ask to be locked up or unlocked. So, when I got around to telling her about waking up stroking her cock I didn’t even have to ask. She even added that the Steelheart will be going to Maui with us in three weeks. That is going to be interesting!
As she locked the Steelheart on place, I thanked her with a kiss on the cheek that resulted in being pulled into her for a long deep wet kiss!
I can’t say I am completely through this moodiness; however, I do have a clear conscious and am feeling better emotionally!