What A Difference…

I haven’t written about my boys recently.  The past four days have been very rewarding for us as parents…and…well…very troubling as well.

Last week 27 asked us if we could come to Charleston this past weekend.  As luck would have it neither MrsL or I had nothing scheduled so we agreed to go down.  He has really done well this past year.

If you follow this blog you know the last two years have been rather crazy.  We are only 30 days away from the 2 year anniversary of him overdosing at home.  That night was absolutely heart wrenching.  I will not go through it all here…you can scroll through and find the post. Suffice it to say…what a difference 2 years makes!

He met a young lady via Bumble back in October.  Their first date/meet up was at a local coffee bistro in downtown Charleston and it lasted three hours.  Their server had to cash them out and hand them off to someone else they sat there and talked for so long.  She told the two of them that she had never seen two people their age set and actually talk like they had for this long in a long long time.  It has only gotten better.  He has his first “real job” and recently moved in to his own apartment.  Her lease isn’t up until June and will probably be moving in with him when that happens.  To say MrsL and I are happy would be an understatement.  He has even asked me “when you know she is the one…”

She took him to meet her grandparents a few weeks back then to her family’s Easter gathering at the Outer Banks.  His parents were returning to Charleston this week for a short visit and they both wanted us to meet each other.  It went awesome.

Yes, we still fear the worst sometimes with him but he is doing fantastic.

Now, what was bad about the past four days?  What a difference one year makes.

22 had to come home Thursday night for a doctor’s appointment Friday morning.  He was going right back to campus Friday afternoon for a free concert by Plain White Tees and the end of Student Appreciation Weeks at his school.  It has been really frustrating for the past nine months.  He has been avoiding us like the plague because MrsL and I are both staying on top of him about his job search for after graduation.  He graduates May 12th and still hasn’t had his first phone screen/interview.  It is maddening.  He keeps saying he is applying for jobs “but they all want people with experience…” and a various other excuses.  Well, the shit hit the fan when I quizzed him right before he headed back to school.

I was being a helicopter Dad and had pulled up and emailed him links to three Fortune 500 companies in the area that had entry level job rotation programs for recent graduates.  That is when he slipped up and said he had just missed the deadline for applying for a job in Columbus, OH.  WTF!!!

See, his girlfriend is trying to get an internship in Columbus over the summer.  Her Aunt and Uncle live there and he said: “they are even going to let me live with them for the year it takes their niece to come home and finish school.”  That totally ripped his Mom’s heart out!  We were incredulous!  I just sat there musing out loud how much sense did it make to even consider looking for a job in Columbus before his girlfriend KNOWS if she is going to get the internship? He didn’t have a good answer?

She is his first girlfriend and first “love.”  She is manipulative.  She basically runs the relationship.  My once fiercely independent son is now a puddle of mush and being led around by the nose by this girl.

She is an only child that grew up in an underprivileged family with a Dad who worked when he wanted to making her Mom work two or three jobs at a time to support the family.  Until her Mom passed from pancreatic cancer last year they had been living on the Mom’s disability from a car accident.  In the year since her Mom passed away…her Dad has had four different jobs.  She has her Dad’s work ethic and attitude.

Anyway, I let his admitting he was considering moving in with complete strangers and taking career advice from his girlfriend and her aunt/uncle was not smart.  Who knows, her aunt/uncle may be great people but he doesn’t know them.  His Mom couldn’t even talk to him without crying.  It was difficult.

I think a conversation with both of them together is in order and will happen soon.

One son is getting his life together after a 7 year long addiction issue and the other is getting lost in a relationship that we don’t think is healthy.  What a difference…!

 

 


4 thoughts on “What A Difference…

  1. I would very gently and respectfully suggest listening to a half dozen hours of Dr Gabor Mate (free) on youtube. He has a take on addictive behaviors and child upbringing issues that might offer you a useful framework to understand both boys’ challenges, and maybe provide some insights about how to move forward. I have listened to nearly everything he has on youtube and found it very enlightening when dealing with My own family’s dynamics, both up and down the family tree.

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  2. “She is manipulative. She basically runs the relationship. My once fiercely independent son is now a puddle of mush and being led around by the nose by this girl” This sounds odd coming from you. Isn’t this the perfect description of your relationship with your wife? Weren’t you once an “independent man”? Doesn’t Mrs L “run the relationship”? Aren’t you a “puddle of mush”? And aren’t you being “led around by the chastity nose? My apologies if this sounds harsh and disrespectful, but your description of the young lady and her relationship with your son sounds strangely inconsistent with the theme and tone of your personal life and the blog you author.

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    1. Not at all the same thing, Wayne.

      MrsL and I have this relationship after discussing it openly and honestly. The only place MrsL runs our relationship is when/if I am locked in chastity and when/if I have an orgasm.

      My son has never been in a relationship and is a kind gentle soul who doesn’t know what he doesn’t know. He is using his emotions to make decisions not logic and she is using that to her advantage. Neither her nor her Dad have ever been able to hold down a job yet he is taking career advice from them not the people in his life who have long established careers.

      Don’t confuse the choices MrsL and I make together (and I blog about) with a situation I see as clearly manipulative. My relationship is mutual. My son is being manipulated.

      As for being led around by my chastity nose…we have a life outside of the bedroom that I don’t write about. We still have discussions about financial decisions, where to vacation, etc.

      Thanks for reading and the question.

      Like

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