In a recent comment on my last post, Longing for Locktober, Carly Quinn opined:
This post really has me pondering something I worry about. What happens if he becomes a job? What if this turns into something I have to do, not something that is fun to do? What if he needs more and more and becomes a black hole of escalating need?
I’m not looking for a new job. I’m looking for a man interested in exploring with me.
This comment made me stop and think a little. Have I become a job? I don’t think so. Am I guilty of not communicating adequately…of course. But a job…no…well…maybe? Here is why.
Over our years of marriage I’ve had other times when I was felt neglected by her. None of them, by the way, were the other attempts at chastity. However, when I think back on each of them I see them through a different lens. I see where my actions and lack of communication with her led to my feelings of resentment. Hell, it led to my chronic masturbation issue.
Yes, I was resentful of her taking care of my two boys. They always came first to her. She was a stay at home Mom and I was at work 12-14 hours a day. When I got home, I was exhausted and would slump on the couch and ultimately fall asleep. She never got away from them…or me…for that matter.
MrsL also, by default, became the CFO or our marriage. In the Army as well as all of my private sector jobs I have traveled. So, she has dealt with the bills, the collection phone calls early in our marriage when I spent money like it grew on trees, the nights at the table trying to figure out how to get the boys the stuff needed for school. Yes, we struggled financially and we fought VERBALLY several times over money. (SIDE NOTE: neither of our boys have ever seen or heard us fight and our fights lasted an hour or two tops and never lingered and always led to great make up sex).
So even though my first visceral reaction to Carly’s question was “hell no…I am not a job…because I asked her to try chastity again and she agreed…and I want her to become more dominant and she was trying…and I expect her to keep up teasing and denying to make the chastity work for me…and….” Then pile on nearly losing our son to an overdose, 21 (her baby) growing up and getting a girlfriend and now Mom’s not the most important woman in his life, me complaining about “performance issues” when out of the Steelheart, and so on…..WAIT!!!!!
Hell YES, my desire to be submissive and locked in chastity had become another job for her. WOW!
Being submissive to her was supposed to be about what SHE wants and needs.
Being in chastity or practicing Devotional Sex, as we are right now, is supposed to clear my head so I can focus on HER needs.
How and when did I flip the script again and put all of this back on her? Over the last few days I realized I hadn’t given her a long soaking bubble bath in months. Sure I surprised her with a massage table and relaxing massage after her sales conference but other than that: no foot rubs, no courtship activities, no date nights. Just me sulking because I was “feeling neglected” while I was neglecting my Princess.
So, we have talked a few times this past week and things are great! I am going to be traveling a lot between now and my shoulder surgery so there may or may not be a Steelheart sighting, if even only for a couple of days. Once the surgery happens the Steelheart will disappear for a few weeks until I can use my right arm/shoulder again. My mind is back in the right place and MrsL has committed to SLOWLY walking back toward becoming more dominant.
The best thing through all of this: I have still been allowed to pleasure her orally and she has been like the little pink furry battery bunny…with her orgasms…they keep going and going and going. Then we both woke up a little horny about an hour before I had to get up at 4:00 a.m. to head to the airport. She took control: stroking, sucking, licking, biting, nibbling, scratching the penis sprinkling in some nipple tweaking to have me on edge for almost an hour….then she laid on top of my legs and started “polishing” the head. I nearly bucked her off of the bed it was so gloriously over the top pleasurable and exquisitely painful at the same time. It elicited a comment that she is going to cover me in shrink wrap, tie my wrapped body to the bed, and really enjoy polishing me some more….WOW!
Carly…thanks for jolting me back to reality. I forgot that I am in a relationship and we agreed to explore together. My submission/chastity became a job to her and no fun!