Lonely & Not Feeling Well

I have never been one to sit around and let myself get lonely.  At that first tinge of wishing I had someone with me I usually get up and go somewhere.  Like most people, my job involves lots of talking and meeting and dealing with people so sometimes I like a little peace and solitude.  Add in we had everyone home Thursday night and Friday morning for 26’s hearing (more on that later) and within 12 hours I was here by myself…the loneliness crept in slowly and insidiously.

I woke up yesterday morning not feeling well.  I was in Columbus, Ohio last week for a week long team meeting.  My boss and several other people on the floor use Scentsy candles.  Yes, my boss uses the more manly scents but he uses one of the warmers with the little scented pellets.  I guess I should say something about it and how it affects my asthma but I don’t.  I keep my inhaler handy and just deal with it.  So, needless to say it has triggered another potential bout with a sinus infection.  We will see.  I can’t seem to get the tightness in my airways to completely relax.  I am not blowing in the danger zone on my “max flow meter” (one of the new toys I have to carry around with me everywhere I go) so it is not bad enough to head to the ER; however, is enough to keep me grounded so I don’t feel like going to the mall or somewhere to people watch.

So, I’ve played a lot of Xbox the past two days. I also put on MrsL’s Steelheart and sealed both keys in an envelope until she gets home tomorrow.  In the past, when I felt bad I would find myself masturbating.  Of course the endorphin rush that came with an orgasm would make me feel better, if only for a few minutes, so I would jerk off 3 or 4 times a day.  That is counter intuitive because after the rush comes the crash.  It was an ugly cycle.  Hopefully, MrsL will understand as she has said if I ever lock myself up again she will not take the keys…she really loves Devotional Sex and having access whenever she wants.  I have hinted that devotional sex doesn’t preclude enforced chastity but she likes me unlocked.  I haven’t told her I locked myself up so if I am feeling better in the morning, before she gets home, I may unlock so I don’t have to worry about what would happen.

Quick update on 26:  his hearing to get a limited driving privilege was Friday morning.  The attorney thinks it went well with only one negative:  he is still having a social drink on occasion.  He didn’t get an answer at the end of the hearing, which isn’t a good or bad thing, but he thought he was so he bottomed out a bit Friday afternoon.  By the time we went out to celebrate my birthday, turned 51 last Friday, he apologized for his actions after the hearing and was ready to accept whatever happens.  I feel pretty good about the hearing so we will see what happens.  He has made so much progress over the past 18 months and getting a driving privilege would be yet another positive.  Stay tuned.


7 thoughts on “Lonely & Not Feeling Well

  1. Oh…you better keep those hands on that controller!
    I hate that tight in the chest feeling or the choked up that keeps me sitting up at night when the allergies are bad! I don’t like being by myself when that goes on. I hope you are feeling better soon! Those scentsy melts can be pretty overwhelming.
    It’s hard to live with consequences, good that he snapped out of his funk pretty quickly. I’d hate to lose my driver’s license, I can’t think of a punishment that would hit me harder!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. Hands were on the controller most of the day. I removed the Steelheart last night so I could sleep: melatonin and Benadryl work wonders.

      I hate that I can’t enjoy the aroma of life…even things like raw cucumber set off my asthma. It sucks!

      26 is rolling with the punches on this issue. By the time he left he was saying worst case is 18 months. We are hoping the hearing officer puts some restrictions but let’s him drive.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Benadryl knocks me right out, too.
        Asthma does suck!
        Hoping to hear a good update on 26. Good that he understands he’s gotta roll with it a bit longer. Hope you are feeling happier and more settled this week. Hugs!

        Liked by 1 person

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