Talking it out

Even with all of the fun, teasing, and being back in the Steelheart, this past week has been really tough.  Tough physically. Tough mentally. And yes, tough emotionally for both MrsL and me.

It all began Monday night after MrsL ordered me back in the Steelheart.  I was happy but I could sense she wasn’t.  I mean she had unfettered access for over a month, wanted me inside her just about every night, and had been very liberal with granting me orgasms.  For the first time in 2.5 years I actually felt the drop after an orgasm and didn’t like it.  So, Monday night when she came to bed there was some playful teasing which led to me basically taking control and giving her a series of great orgasms…at least I thought.  When I crawled back in bed and snuggled up to her she asked:  “well, how was the Steelheart for you?” I was confused…perplexed.  I asked what she meant and got a very aloof answer.  I fell asleep not knowing what was happening.

When I asked her to check for hotspots Tuesday my reaction set her off:  “Go take it off now…I am not going to be responsible for you getting a blister.” Now don’t get me wrong, I am glad she made me take it off or I would have let my stubborn side win.  It was more the manner and tone of what she said that made me really begin to wonder.  That night, I pulled up the website for a BDSM themed B&B…well it is actually a club that offers their rooms as a B&B.  I sat with my Surface in my lap on the page for nearly an hour before getting up the nerve to ask if she would ever consider spending a night in one of their suites.  She didn’t have to answer for me to know I had crossed a line.  She never said a word and I simply closed the website.  We sat in silence the rest of the night.

Wednesday, after the irritation cleared up I asked her if I could try the larger ring.  Again, I got a non committal answer.  Yes, she was participating in locking it in place but there was no playfulness to it.  I was now even more confused and perplexed.  So much so that I started being a real BRAT!  The more bratty I became the more she withdrew which in turn made me feel more abandoned.

Thursday night when she came to bed we started cuddling which led to the Steelheart really biting in to my balls.  I kept, very subconsciously mind you, was taking a hand on a pretty regular basis to adjust my balls.  This made her upset…and rightly so.  When she pushed me off of her rolling over she let me know in no uncertain terms that I was distracted and my hands were spending more time on my balls than on her.  I tried explaining which was met with silence.  I fell asleep thinking about giving up and just taking the Steelheart off but I’m glad I didn’t.

Friday was good.  I was locked…she teased me a little…life was starting to feel normal.

Saturday was better.  We went to a movie.  I had some quality CFNM time complete with an incredible few minutes at the kitchen sink as I was doing dishes.  She would reach through my legs and run a finger from the base of my balls to my ass where she would insert just enough to “hook” me then pulled me up on my tiptoes.  It had the Steelheart full in no time.  Then it ended.  I fell asleep before she came to bed but woke up to find her naked with the covers kicked off.  I began massaging her back and ass.  She stirred…and I began kissing and nibbling her neck as she let a hand find my trapped balls.  It was heaven…she was moaning…I was moaning…she rolled over and said “It sounds like you want to fuck me…”  Again she rarely uses that word…so it really turns me on.  I replied…”no Princess…I really want you to fuck me…I don’t feel like I earned the honor of being allowed to fuck you.”  Wrong answer…instant mood killer…playtime over.  She did whisper to me as we fell asleep that if I wanted to be fucked I should be clean tomorrow.

Sunday I got up early and gave myself a warm water enema…all ready to go as soon as 21 left for his girlfriend’s friend’s wedding.  That time came. That time went. The more time passed the more frustrated I got.  When she asked me to get dressed to go get something we forgot at the store I thought she was using that as a ploy to get things ready.  I happily went to Target and returned about 20 minutes later.  Nothing!  She had obviously forgotten…and admitted as much later when we were talking.  I set about starting dinner at this point and was slamming stuff, banging pots loudly, and being a brat…again.  After about ten minutes of this behavior she came in the kitchen and asked “what was wrong.”  I unloaded…on how I felt…focusing on my feelings and putting everything on me.   We hugged for a few minutes then she asked me if I had followed her orders from the night before.  I was treated to a quick hard fucking and unlocked teasing as the potatoes finished baking for dinner.  It was awesome.

We set in silence for most of the rest of the night.  After GoT, I got down in front of her laying my head in her lap and asked her to promise that I was not making her do things she didn’t want to do.  She admitted she was completely freaked out by the B&B idea, she could never go to a local kink munch (yes I have mentioned it as an option to meet people), she reiterated she would never allow another woman to touch me even if she was present, not liking spanking me, and was back to not understanding why I needed chastity.  She was back to thinking there was something wrong with her.  For my part, I had stopped courting her daily.  I was taking her for granted again.  The only thing I didn’t revert to…masturbating.

We sat and talked for over an hour…a good talk that got us back to where we needed to be.  It is so amazing how important (the lack of) communication is in any relationship.  While we will probably never go to the B&B and will never attend a munch together (she did say I could go if I wanted and I may take her up on that) we did agree to rediscover what we had earlier and to not be afraid to ask questions of the other if either felt there was an issue.  The conversation was relieving and energizing.

I hate being out of town this week.  I am unlocked.  The EvotionWearables base ring is the same size of the Steelheart that was giving me fits a week ago.  When I asked her if she wanted me to put on just the cage portion she said nope…”you will just have to immediately put on MY Steelheart as soon as you get home Friday.”

 


6 thoughts on “Talking it out

  1. It just really brings home, after all the years, how much you still have to work. I was looking for an article I read last week sometime about how much better sex can be for men if they are denied orgasm. It was a crazy eye opening read for me, I think it might be helpful. I’ll keep trying to find it. It’s one of the subjects that is hardest for me to wrap my head around as well.
    So glad you were able to talk it out.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I think I really feel for MrsL because of my Switch, you know? I can’t imagine always having to be in control, or always in charge. There are certainly times when I want him to take me over without having to be told to. Or times when I just need him to be, well, male, for lack of a better word. In charge and making me feel owned and safe. Even in just my fantasies, it makes the Domme half even stronger. That knowing that he can be 100% testosterone and caveman but leashes all of that to kneel next to me. Dear Lord, the power he gives with that action. Does that make sense?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It does indeed! I try to take control and be just that for her. I can sense when she needs that level; however, I was taking her for granted again and only thinking of myself.

        Thank you for the beautiful insight.

        Liked by 1 person

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