I have a really good relationship with my MIL and FIL.  We had a very rocky start as my MIL told me directly, before we got engaged, that she had higher goals for her daughter like marrying a doctor or lawyer and not someone going in the Army.  However, once we got engaged things changed.  With one minor exception back 24 years ago as we were moving out of their house in to our first house when she snapped at my Dad and I turned on her telling her to stop being a bitch, we have had a very good relationship.  She makes no qualms with telling me that I am her favorite son-in-law.  The other two sons-in-law go out of their way to do any and everything to piss off the in-laws, as does the middle and youngest sister…thus the dysfunction.  I guess a little background might be beneficial.

Before I proceed, I would be remiss if I didn’t share a recent post by Carly with a brilliant description of families and their gatherings…many of her descriptions apply here as well.  You can read her post here.

MrsL’s Mom is the Matriarch of the family.  She came from money, gave it all up to marry the love of her life, and has subsequently remade herself to be one of the most sought after banking operations minds in the southeast.  They own two homes outright, all of their cars are paid for in cash, and she has trust funds set up for all of her grandkids that they can’t touch until they are 35.  Don’t get me wrong, my FIL was the primary source of income for the early portion of their marriage but once she went to work she quickly became the higher salary.  To my FIL’s credit, he accepted it thus making their marriage last till this day…55 years later.

MrsL is the oldest of three daughters.  Due to several miscarriages, the middle sister is six years younger with the youngest 9 years her junior.   The middle daughter  is truly a “middle child” in that she always thinks she is being slighted and keeps score.  She and MrsL have never really gotten along.  It doesn’t help that her husband moved her away for his job right after they got married  plus she has the exact same personality as my MIL:  controlling, opinionated, and expects the world to revolve around her and her two boys.  Oh, and she has no qualms about preaching about fat grams or how fattening your diet is over hers, or her damn toilet habits, or the list of the absurd could go on for several more commas.

The youngest sister and MrsL usually get along…usually.  Thankfully this weekend was one of those times.  However, as the baby of the family who lives only 30 minutes from the parents the middle sister is insanely jealous because she feels her three kids get preferential treatment over her two boys.

It makes for interesting family gatherings…including this weekend.  Any time all three girls are in the same vicinity the gossiping, sniping, whispering, and outright drama begins within seconds.  It is maddening!

First, my SIL kept telling MrsL and her Mom that she wasn’t going to plan any activities for her son’s graduation driving both of them mad.  She finally announced this past Monday she was hosting an open house between 2-4 before graduation at 7 p.m. and that she didn’t want or need anyone’s help with any of the preparations.

MrsL was already on edge even before getting there because of the family heirloom diamond she received Memorial Day weekend.  So is anyone surprised that the middle sister threw an absolute tantrum that SHE wasn’t offered a chance to get the ring?  She flat out told her mom and MrsL that all three girls should have been asked if they wanted the ring because all of them were just as close to their Nana…which is not true. This set the tone for the rest of the weekend.   The youngest sister was excited for MrsL and thought it was only right that the oldest sibling get the ring.

My MIL cornered me within the first ten to fifteen minutes to bring me up to date on why she was so upset as the grad (her grandson/my nephew) had chosen to go work out instead of hanging out with his grandparents.  How her daughter, as expected, told her Mom not to worry about him leaving it was his day and he could do what he wanted.  How I became her sounding board I will never know…okay I do know…I listen.  Sometimes I will tell her she is overreacting but most times I just listen…in one ear and out the other.

Finally, when it came time to start prepping everything for the open house the middle sister got angry that no one was offering to help.  Both MrsL and her Mom made it clear they had been told in no uncertain terms that SHE didn’t want or need any help.  After a brief three way yelling match everyone chipped in and helped.

Thankfully, my nephew showed up about half an hour before the open house began about the same time the other grandparents showed up.  When my MIL found out that they were not even going to the ceremony because the husband “had sat through hundreds of graduations as the dean of a department at a prestigious university in Nashville” she snapped.  Oh, she and her counterpart were cordial but she let everyone know they were going and why.

At some point, MrsL was informed by her sister that her and her husband had absolutely no plans to go to all of graduation…they were going to show up near the end…just in time to see their son walk (their last name begins with W).  My MIL must have been within hearing distance.  This, coupled with the fact the other grandparents weren’t even going,  only exacerbated the situation.  So, when it came time for us to leave to go check in to our hotel and get ready MrsL told her sister that we would be there and absolutely would not worry about trying to hold seats for the rest of the family.

What do you think happened?  Of course, my MIL raised absolute hell back at the house and my SIL gave in and they showed up for the entire graduation.  When she complained that we couldn’t all sit together closer to the stage, MrsL reiterated she didn’t think she was coming and didn’t want to hear any complaining.  The after party back at the house was relatively calm.  My nephew loved his graduation gift from MrsL and I.  We have long since stopped giving our two nephews money as their Mom “confiscates” it for their savings account and will not let them spend any of the money.  We left just before midnight knowing we had to be back at 9 for her big breakfast.  Speaking of food.

Did I mention how the middle sister preaches about fat grams?  All day Saturday, as with anytime she prepares ANY MEAL she has to explain to everyone how she made the dish with low/no fat products, how many fat grams the dish contains versus how many it would contain if someone else made it, and how it is so good.  She stands in your personal space preaching this nonsense.  The shrimp dip with no fat Greek yogurt instead of cream cheese and low fat mayonnaise was good.  MrsL and I are going to make it with cream cheese and real mayonnaise the next time she is over and see if she notices.  She put out “baked rice crackers” to use with the dip and could not understand why no one was eating the dip.  It wasn’t until the after party when she brought out Triskets that they dip was really devoured.  There were curry chicken legs she baked…or should I say destroyed.  The seasoning would have made them fantastic had she not:  removed all of the skin from the legs before baking them at 450 degrees for 2 hours.  You could have driven a nail in hardwood with these things.  She was very proud of them…I ate one and barely finished it.  She had to tell everyone that she was not going to serve undercooked chicken…well she didn’t!  I could go on about this but I think you get the picture.

We were a few minutes past 9 a.m. arriving Sunday…due to MrsL wanting a bit of stress relieve in the form of my head between her legs licking, nibbling, and sucking her clit to a few orgasms.  There was one final blow up between the MrsL and her middle sister Sunday while shopping at the local outlet mall.  My MIL is forever taking her grandkids clothes shopping and since 26 was with us and has a new job she wanted to get him some more nice business casual clothes.  Of course, the middle daughter threw a bit of a conniption until her youngest son was also invited to go look at clothes.  That wasn’t the blow up.  Once the in-laws left and it was just us and 26 with her and my youngest nephew we were on a mission to get 26 a few necessities.  MrsL was trying to ask 26 about his shampoo/conditioner situation (he is a bit of a prima dona when it comes to bathing and loves a specific shampoo/conditioner from Bath & Body Works) and my SIL was attempting to answer for 26.  MrsL held up a finger in the general direction of her sister and said: “I am asking him can you please wait a minute…he needs to answer.”  It was priceless!

To say I was glad to pull out of there Sunday would be an understatement.  I can take about two hours when my MIL and all three daughters are together.  Having to spend nearly an entire day with all of them drives me to drink.  With that said, they are family and I will always be there for them if needed…I think?  🙂

7 thoughts on “Dysfunctional

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