I should have known when I wrote and read the to 26, “I will not speak to you when you are using in the future” last summer at the family counseling weekend I would struggle when that time came. Well, as we feared, it came. He was further down the relapse path than we thought.
What did I do? The title of this post says it all!
When he finally broke down and admitted what was going on and that he caught himself before tumbling head long down that deep dark path, the power of a parent’s love for their child took over.
The encouraging part for me and MrsL is that he didn’t get very far down that path before asking for help. He hasn’t used in 3 weeks and he came to us last Wednesday…so technically…he wasn’t using. The even better news is that about 3 weeks ago he got a call from his fraternity big brother offering him a cheap room in his house to get away from this area. Our little hometown and the big city near us are truly a cancer eating into 26’s soul. I have always said he has to leave here to get away from the people, places, and things that remind him of his addiction.
YES, he will always have triggers. YES, he is an addict and will by his own admission “find what I am looking for but I am done looking” (we can only hope). YES, we are cautiously optimistic that this will be the break he needs. Only time and his true willingness to stay clean and move on will tell the tale. The other truly positive, he wants to find a provider to go back on the anti craving 30 day time release injection. We found an out patient mental health/addiction office here locally that offers a “sliding scale treatment plan” for people without insurance. He is on day 2.5 of detoxing at home at his own request. He was buying suboxone off the street to help get off the heroin and has to get that out of his system. Once he is through that hell we will get him to the office and get him back on Vivitrol. He asked for it! Then we are taking him to Charleston.
I LOVE MY BOYS! I would do anything for them. End of discussion.
Maybe I haven’t been hurt enough to completely detach and let him struggle on his own. But what parent wants to go to bed every night wondering if their child is okay, or even alive, because of an illness. And if you are wondering, ADDICTION IS A DISEASE. If my boys need me I am there! I can only hope I never get to the point where my heart doesn’t ache for either of them because of something they do. I doubt it!
We are choosing believe, as is 26, that getting away from here to a place he loves around people who have never done hard drugs will be the new horizon he needs to move on!