ABC’s of Our Relationship

Far be it for me to give anyone relationship advice.  Please don’t consider this post as anything resembling relationship advice…this is just my thoughts on our relationship and how it has survived and gets stronger day by day, month by month, and year after year.

Using the alphabet may be a gross over simplification; however, this makes it a quick and easy read.  Here we go

A is for Accepting.  We both learned over the years that accepting each other for who they are is crucial to a strong relationship.  We each have our little foibles that makes life challenging and interesting.  We each had to learn to accept the other’s and not try to change them unless we asked for help.

B is for Balance.  This is something we struggle with to this day.  By balance I mean a balance of time together versus time apart pursuing our own interest.  For me, it isn’t hard with my job and traveling.  For MrsL it is very difficult even with her business.  Over the past few years she and her sisters have taken their Mom on a girls weekend.  She always comes back energized.  Tonight, she is going to a local Chamber of Commerce Women’s event…quality balance time for her.

C is for Communication.  This is so crucial.  We have had our issues with this our entire time together (as is evident from my last post).  Ultimately, once we realize we are not talking, or worse talking AT the other one, we stop what we are doing and work through the issue.  It is sometimes painful but always rewarding.

D is for Decision.  We received a hand stitched 5×7 framed message at our mandatory marriage retreat before we could be married in the Catholic church (that’s another story for another time).  The framed cross stitch message is:  Love Is A Decision.  This message has stuck with me all 28 years.  Yes, it was a carnal attraction at first…she had then and still has the most amazing ass…that morphed into very strong feelings of love.  However, over the 28 years there have been times when I, and I know she as well, wanted to walk away.  Both of our parents endured in their marriages despite issues.  My parents were married 40 years before Mom passed and her parents are still going strong at 55 years.  They were and still are the example for us.  We fell in love based on hormones and a physical attraction to one another.  We stay in love because we decided to!

I feel I must add this:  Don’t stay in a abusive (physical or emotional) relationship, EVER!

E is for Enjoy.  This one is easy…enjoy each other!  It’s the little things about MrsL that I really enjoy:  her smile, her laugh, her eyes, her ass (okay I’m being repetitive on that point), the way she lights up a room with her vibrant personality.

F is for Friendship.  We each have friends outside of our relationship but we are each other’s best friend.  We laugh together.  We cry together. We are always there for the other one.

G is for Generosity.  I forgot this for a long time.  It is important to be generous with praise, compliments, and silence…for listening.  More on that below.

H is for Honesty.  Honesty about how we feel about each other, how we feel about family/friends, our goals…on and on.  We have struggled with this many times and it always ends in a heated conversation then great make up sex!!

I is for Intimacy.  Obviously, this has sky rocketed over the past two years.  It has been really spectacular and it has been as empty as a low tide. The key for us is to recognize it and spark it again.

J is for Jealousy.  Yes I said it.  We are both insanely jealous of our time and each other.  I fantasize about and even encourage her to flirt with guys while we are out.  I fantasize about her having sex with another man as I watch…the old cuckold fantasy complete with forced bi sex action.  However, the few times she has been the recipient of another man’s attention I have had to fight back the evil green monster.  Early in our marriage, after the Army, MrsL became engulfed in jealousy about a female c0-worker.  I finally had her meet the co-worker and all jealousy melted away.  Be careful with this one….it can irreparably damage a relationship.

K is for Kink.  I have always been a little kinky.  She has not.  It has been a 28+ year journey to get where we are now with the kink.  We keep exploring and it is really making us closer!

L is for Levity.  A little laughter goes a long way.  Even in the toughest of times or conversations a little wry joke or comment makes things better.  We laugh at ourselves. We laugh at each other.  We try to find a little levity in everything we do.

M is for Massages.  We are not professionals but we love to give each other massages.  Some of them end up with awesome sex.  Some of them are very platonic.  Either way the magic of touch keeps us going.

N is for No.  Knowing when to say no is just as important as knowing when to say yes.  This is one of the hardest things we had to learn to do to each other…saying no.  It makes us a better couple.

O is for One for All.  Okay that is a bit cheeky but it is true.  We were two individuals who became one through marriage.  There have been times when we didn’t act with oneness; however, our focus has always been to be unified on major decisions and have each other’s backs.

P is for Patience.  I struggled, hell I still struggle, with this.  Patience is not one of my virtues.  However, when it comes to MrsL I found that patience in tough times for her makes her feel good about herself.  You see, she has an habitual issue with “losing” things.  A gentle few words and a methodical approach to finding the lost items always calms her down.  She is much more patient with me…probably to a fault.

Q is for Quality.  We strive to make sure we provide quality to the other in everything we do for the other.  Quality conversations. Quality time together. Quality quiet time.  It all adds up.

R is for Reassurance. There have been too many times to count when one of us has had to reassure the other: during job changes, during moves, during the loss of my Mom, and so on.  This goes back to being friends.

S is for Silence.  The one truth about the word listen is your have to be silent.  I have to actively remind myself to be silent when I get back from a trip and listen to her…about her day or week.  There are times when silence is truly golden.

T is for Thoughtfulness.  Being considerate of each other’s wants, needs, and desires is crucial.

U is for Understanding.  We have struggled with understanding each other at times…even to this day.  Being able to sit down and talk things through openly and honestly is crucial to understanding each other.

V is for Vitality.  We struggle with fitness…having vitality in life.  It is the one thing on this list that is the hardest to do for us but it is so important.  We must improve our vitality because we will someday, hopefully, be grandparents.

W is for Work At It.  We work at our relationship every day.  From the simple acts of a kiss on the forehead to opening doors for her speak volumes.  I didn’t do this for a long time and our relationship suffered.

X is for eXceptional.  Okay so I am cheating a bit on this one…but do you realize how tough it is to find a word beginning with X to define a relationship trait?  I try to make everything we do exceptional.  She goes out of her way to make my day exceptional as well.  We have had may exceptional times together.

Y is for Yours.  We made a commitment to each other…”what was mine if now yours.”  That is obtuse; I know, but true.  We don’t have his, hers, and ours.

Z is for Zest.  Having a zest for each other, through good times and bad, makes our relationship work.

So, there you have it.  Simple. Concise.  28 years of marriage summed up in 26 words.

 


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