Growing Up

I feel like this blog had turned in to more of a place for me to talk about my muggle life more so than MrsL and my kinky life. But…it is therapeutic!

After the rather traumatic weekend for 26 and his girlfriend…they woke up to a notice on their door of “lease termination” for repeated noise violations.  Apparently the tenants below them didn’t like their subwoofer at all. They have two weeks to find another place to live. 

Then as he was telling us about the apartment issue he asks for advice on how to break up with his girlfriend.  He said it had not been working out between them for sometime but he wanted to work things out because she was carrying his baby.  He feels sad but relieved due to the miscarriage and this is a good way to get a clean break. Wow! 

However, I think MrsL sensed there was an issue as the girlfriend had been texting her after we left Sunday that she thought 26 wanted her to leave. Add to this that I had lunch with them last Friday and spent most of the time referring a discussion between them about “I’m feeling trapped” from him and “I didn’t say you couldn’t be social but I want you by my side all the time.” That was a real concern for me. 

I hate the timing of the breakup; however, this is the first time 26 has been willing to separate himself from a relationship that was one sided. So there some positive signs in this situation. 

With the positive comes one major concern. He is continuing to split an apartment with thr 24 y/o he met at his rehab this summer and still new to his recovery as well. This is not recommended but 26 says it will help keep them both honest and on track. He knows if he uses and is not in active recovery we will not support him at all so it is up to him. 26 also felt like he was caught in the middle between his girlfriend and the roommate. They learned quickly they didn’t get along and both complained to him about the other. 

I am afraid he will relapse. I know I can’t let that fear control me. Obviously, I love him and want him to continue with his recovery. However, I know I have to let go and let him live his life. 

He is handling all of this rather well this week. They’ve already found a new place, completed the paperwork, and should know tomorrow if they are accepted. BTW, the apartment they are choosing is in downtown…near all of the night life…again bells & whistles sounding in my head. Have to “let it go…let it go…” (cheap  Disney reference)!

26 will always cause me sleepless nights. However, it does seem like he is growing up. The saga continues.

2 thoughts on “Growing Up

  1. It strikes Me that while you speak of being disappointed in him and worried he will screw up, the blog seldom if even mentions positive reinforcement or praise of 26. All the research shows that unpredictable positive reinforcement is the most powerful way to modify behavior. Make sure you are praising him when he takes even a small step in the right direction.

    I would respectfully suggest reading two books: What Shamu Taught Me – it’s about using positive reinforcement to encourage behavior modification – and NonViolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg – which might help you refine the praise you give. Notably, telling someone when they have done something right that they are a “good boy” is not advised, because it carries an implicit threat that if they screwed up, you would then consider them a bad person.

    This is a tremendous period of growth for all of you. Good luck!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comments. As I reflect on what I write…it becomes obvious I haven’t mentioned much along the lines of positive reinforcement. I appreciate you mentioning it.

      Let me put that point to bed: while I don’t always put it here in my writing I have been effusive, probably to the point of overkill, with praise daily for him. Whether it is a tweet saying great job on such and such, a brief conversation at the beginning/end of a phone call, or a big bear hug and telling him how proud of him I am and always have been…I do praise him.

      When we were texting back and forth they other day about the apartment issue I told him how I could see just how maturely he was handling the situation.

      I am always looking for good books. I will take a look at your recommendations.

      Thanks again.


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