I now understand myself….

Over the past few weeks I have been writing about my mixed emotions about travel, chastity, and MrsL being more “sensible” about not locking me up for 2.5 to 3 days at a time.  Here are a couple of those posts…if you want to get caught up… “Conflicted” & “The Trend…”  It has really been bothering me and I couldn’t pin down exactly why.

After reading Drew’s post on Chastity Friday at the airport I started truly thinking about just how truly fortunate I am as well that MrsL decided to come on this journey with me.  This particular paragraph hit home with me the most…even though I haven’t been locked in chastity now for close to 2 months:

But, for me, the last week and two days and been phenomenal for multiple reasons. My body takes almost four days to completely adjust to this locked state and, when that happens, I “feel” more and the cage just becomes an extension of myself and one I enjoy seeing, touching, and hearing it jingle when it is on. In addition,  I have found that, as this progresses, Axel starts to become even more handsome on day two, more desirable on day three, and downright full on hot by day five. I guess it’s a level of horniness, but I love the way wearing his cage reminds me of how fucking lucky I am to have him every single time I look at him. It’s worth every penny I have spent on devices to never forget that fact, because, I admit, when I am running around the world all free, it’s easy to forget just how fucking lucky I am at home and this makes sure that will happen.

It is worth the money we’ve spent on the Bon4, the Steelheart, and the EvotionWearables device (even though I still can’t wear it as the new base ring had a flaw in it and they are having to make another one).  I was happy and content in these thoughts…until…I got home.

I had already agreed to meet 26 (he had a birthday last week) for lunch when I got home since the airport was only about 10 minutes from his apartment. My flight was delayed so it ended up being more of an early dinner than lunch.  However, when I pulled in to his apartment I saw my car, which MrsL has had for the past two weeks because it is bigger and she had two big sales/vendor events, at his apartment.  She had been coy all day via text about what she was doing and had decided to surprise me and be at his apartment.  I was happy and a bit confused.  We had a great meal and sang happy birthday back at this apartment over cupcakes then headed home.  My nephew and his parents were coming because he was going on a visit to the local university on Saturday so we had guest all night.  I was downright moody, was a definite brat, and wanted nothing more than to go upstairs and lock the Steelheart in place and give her the keys.  I am glad I didn’t.

Even though for the first year of chastity I never questioned whether or not to put on the Bon4 or the Steelheart.  If I was unlocked for her pleasure I knew immediately to put it back on…if she didn’t.  Then earlier this year, on another extended period of Monday through Friday travel 3 weeks in a row, I put on the Steelheart and locked it myself.  She really got upset.  She made it clear then that me being locked up or not was HER decision and if I didn’t want to accept that she would give me back the keys and never participate again.  At the time, I thought it was a bit harsh but went with it until this last very extended period of freedom.

Then came LOCKtober and reading about all of the guys being locked away for the entire month…granted I traveled every week in October…and the last time we tried the Bon4 I had a nocturnal erection strong enough to push my balls through the base ring.  Going to the smaller ring proved to be too tight so we’ve steered clear of it as well.  It was all starting to really add up to me wanting to give her an ultimatum.  Thankfully, I didn’t do that either.

All day yesterday, after getting the nephew and family out of the house, I met MrsL and the last of her seasonal sales/vendor events to help out.  Since most of these events are small, one owner, home based businesses and it is in a community that we both want to move into in the near future, I have been going to help her the past two years.  I was the only spouse there helping and when one of her customers commented about that MrsL was absolutely effusive in saying things that made me feel awesome all the while dropping indirect hints about her knowing how to keep me “happy.”  One woman even commented on her key charm necklace (not THE key but a nice looking key) and MrsL simply said: “I have the key to his happiness…and he locks away his love for me…” She looked at me and smiled!  I nearly melted and had to quickly turn toward her the table to conceal a rapidly growing erection.

This morning…something happened…and I truly am now very, very, happy and content.

No, she didn’t tell me to get the Steelheart!

No, she didn’t tie me to the bed and have her way with me!  (She did indicate that was coming…very soon…!)

What created this epiphany, you ask?

I was told to wake her up at 7:30 because she had a home show at 2 p.m. and needed to bake some cookies before she left.  I had the alarm set but woke up at 7:10 and decided to wake her up early.  I began caressing her body.  Playing with her hair and the ear closest to me.  Slowly she awoke.  MrsL rolled over and we kissed, cuddled, and fondled each other for a long while.  Without warning and after lightly running a finger up my side I felt her hand gripping my hair and found myself being positioned on her crotch.  For the first few minutes she, after telling me to simply stick out my tongue, held my head in place and would start at her perineum and grind herself on my tongue up through her wet pussy over her rapidly swelling clit.  I was in absolute heaven!!!  At one point, she let go of my hair and wrapped her thighs around my head, locking one ankle behind the other knee, and continued to pleasure herself on my chin and tongue.  Feeling her pussy clench my tongue all the while her legs had me pinned to her body was pure bliss.  As she released me and let her feet slide down my body…taking them around to play with my raging hard on….she giggled and said:  You will not be using that on me right now…I want one big, strong, powerful orgasm from your tongue.  She relaxed on the bed and I gave her exactly what she asked for!

Afterwards, still kneeling beside the bed, I simply laid my head on her stomach as she came down from the physical and emotional high she was on…and to be honest…I was on as well.  I have never felt so much per joy in making her cum!

Something in my head started flickering.  A small thought…this really isn’t about you…I kept hearing that in my head.  It was beginning to make sense.

MrsL sat up on the bed and started playing with the leather cord that holds the little lock I wear.  She ran her fingers around my neck, both inside the cord and out, the ever so gently began pulling it tight around my neck.  When she was satisfied with the right amount of tension…just enough so I could still barely breathe….

Look at me and don’t move! Put your hands beside me on the bed.

Our eyes met and she had a gleam that I had not seen in a long time.  She put a finger under my chin, pulled the cord a little tighter, leaned over and kissed me deeply before sucking my bottom lip in her mouth and biting on it!  She has learned when to let me breathe and let go of the cord and my bottom lip at the same time.  She repeated this pattern three more times until I was a spent from the pure intensity of her actions.  After the last of the breath play/kissing/biting moments she pulled me to my feet and wiped the generous amounts of precum oozing from my cock on her hand and had me lick it clean.  Then without a word got up and walked to the bathroom!

After she trotted off downstairs to start baking cookies and I had made the bed, I sat there processing what had just happened along with all of my feelings over the past 48 hours.  That is when the small flickering thought in my head EXPLODED.

I am extremely lucky to have MrsL by my side!

I am very proud of what I have accomplished (not masturbating in nearly two years)!

And the most important part….

None of this is about me…it is about HER and HER satisfaction and HER desires!

I nearly tripped myself running down the stairs to the kitchen.  I grabbed her, kissed her deeply, and confessed that I had an epiphany.  I told her I had been approaching the past few months all wrong and how I was sorry for being so moody and thinking about what I wanted. I told her I needed to truly surrender to her and whatever she wanted.

All she said, and this is why I truly LOVE HER, was:  I know and I accept.  

She did take advantage of that moment and edged me two or three times:  stroking my cock through my sweats while nibbling on an ear.  Right as she sensed I was on the edge the last time:

I will lock away MY COCK when I want it locked away.  I will use it for my pleasure inside my pussy when I want to and I will let you have an orgasm…IF and WHEN…I want you to have one.  Now, I have work to do.  

How perfect is that?

Locked or not…my mind finally accepted who I am…HERS for HER PLEASURE!   I still have desires (chastity, anal play, bondage, pain, etc).  I know she knows them and will give them to me when she wants.




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