Life has been just a little crazier these past few weeks. I can’t believe it is almost the end of October; but, yet I have watched all of the LOCKtober post all month while being unlocked now for nearly 2 months. Business travel coupled with high school and college football games, all with metal detectors, and trying to get the fit right with the EvotionWearables travel cage has MrsL not locking me up. Has it been good, Yes. Have I been true to my commitment to not masturbate, Yes. Do I find myself wishing I had a long stint at home so I can be back in chastity, HELL YES! I wrote a little bit about it here. It is funny how much I became used to being locked away. MrsL keeps insisting that she hasn’t given up and how it just doesn’t make sense to lock me away only to unlock me 48 hours later. Oh, did I mention she wants me inside her just about every night we are together….BUT…she still gleefully denies me an orgasm 99.9% of the time.
The kinkiness level around the house has subsided just a bit as well. That’s okay, I guess, but I feel like that may be fueling some of the wandering thoughts and potential chance encounters with hot guys. Yes…that even includes that hot as fuck guy in the airport the other day wearing linen pants (after Labor Day)…that had the most perfect ass I have ever seen on a guy. I mean: no trips to the garage for discipline, no time outs in the closet for spot corrections, no prolonged time spent tied to the bed while MrsL used my body for her playground….just flat. I am sure it will all come back soon…I hope!
On the “chance encounters” front: I get back to the hotel tonight to find it hasn’t been serviced so I call and complain. The operator says she will send up someone from housekeeping with toiletries (I declined towels as I still have 2 clean). A few minutes later the knock at the door came and it was a man’s voice…my curiosity spiked. I opened the door to find a tall, dark haired, square chiseled face, blue eyed hunk offering me shampoo and conditioner. He was wearing sweats that clearly showcased his manhood. I must have been staring because after a couple of seconds he cleared his throat and stuck his hands out further toward me. I looked up at him and he grinned as I took the two small bottles then said “have a good night” in a heavy Eastern European accent as he grabbed his crotch. I opened my mouth to say “thanks” and possibly even offer him a tip (non monetary) but he walked away…wow. Twice in two weeks I have been caught looking at a guy’s crotch. And yes I am proud to state I did not touch my rapidly growing erection. It was difficult but I was a good boy!
I finally checked the email account for this blog after…3 months…I guess. There were a couple of reader’s questions that I am working on a blog post to provide detailed answers…so stay tuned.
Now for the other update…how is 25? First, to all of you who have asked on Twitter or direct messaging about him THANK YOU! All I can really report is he appears to be okay.
When I last wrote about his progress he had just moved in with a 27 y/o mother of two under 4 who is separated from her husband. He has now changed jobs, back in a restaurant with a bar of course, and insist he is “doing everything he needs to do to stay clean.” With school and his new job he has stopped attending meetings and stopped talking to his sponsor. Now to be fair, his sponsor was from AA and not NA, and 25 has consistently stated he never thought alcohol was a problem. His girlfriend does drink and was going to “quit” to support him. However, he has in the one conversation we have had recently stated he wants to try having a drink sometime soon to see if he can handle it. My thoughts…he is probably already drinking again.
When he moved out we asked him to continue drug testing. He has not followed through on that either. Again, to be fair, he is still taking the monthly anti opiate injection so I am reassured he isn’t using heroin. However, during that call I mentioned above he was looking for advice on getting back on ADD medicine. He wasn’t sure if he was experiencing Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms or if he truly had ADD because he had been trying for two days to finish his paper for class and kept getting easily distracted. He was prescribed meds in college for ADD and while he didn’t “abuse ” them he was taking them at the same time he was using heavily. Since that call, when MrsL and I both told him we would get him to the family doctor for a review and possible prescription, he has miraculously found clarity and is able to stay focused. My thoughts…he is getting Adderall from somewhere and self medicating.
I don’t know if either of those thoughts are true. I have done what every one in the Nar Anon Family groups have said to do: Let go and Let god.
NOW, I am not getting religion. I grew up in a hyper religious family and have long since come to the conclusion that organized religion is a. Lot of what is wrong with the world; HOWEVER, I am still very Spiritual. I don’t know who or even what my Spiritual God looks like but I do know that meditating and listening to Mother Nature and my surroundings gives me an inner peace…..so…I am letting go. 25 is in charge of his recovery and his life. I can’t do it for him. I am hopeful he is still clean. I am hopeful he is going to class and will indeed graduate in December. I am hopeful to one day be a grandparent to his kids…when the time is right. I STILL LOVE HIM; but, it is his life now.
That’s it for now. Thanks for reading!