Conflicted

As I was updating my Current Status page this morning, a page I woefully neglect when not at home, I realized MrsL has left me out of chastity now for 24 days.  With the constant air travel coupled with the irritation issues from the EvotionWearables travel device and going to high school and college football games where hand held metal detectors, I’ve been unlocked since September 9th.

I remember when we were first discussing chastity again back  January 2015.  One of the questions she asked, after reading through the materials / websites was: Do you think you will have to wear it all of the time…will you ever stop masturbating without it? 

At the time, I answered I don’t know…and no I will not stop unless made to stop.  Over the nearly 18 months on this journey I have never wanted to be out of chastity when around her.  Honestly, as I am typing this I really don’t want to be out of chastity right now; however, I am enjoying SO MUCH her constant teasing and edging.  For example: the 3 hour drive home Saturday night was a study in true teasing.  The darkness brings out her little adventurous side.  There is never any doubt about me staying awake at midnight with MrsL’s head on my shoulder and her hand playing with her cock whispering how she owns it and there will not be any orgasms while driving….!  Okay, probably not the most safe way to drive…but fun…YES.  Then yesterday morning…allowing me inside her warm, wet, intoxicating pussy…PLUS….a full orgasm!!!  I guess I am spoiled?  Anyway back to the post.

After the episode in August…or maybe it was September…where I put the Steelheart back on and locked it myself, MrsL has made it perfectly clear:  She will tell me when she wants me locked up.  This has evolved from the early days of it was always on…and if she allowed me out it went right back on as soon as she was done playing. So, I am adjusting.

Yes, she has caught me absently fondling myself (old habits) and Yes, I do catch myself in the hotel room with the penis in my hand stroking it.  NO….I have not masturbated to an orgasm since the silicone Bon4 arrived and was locked in place!  I’ve been close…but stopped myself!

So, back to her original question:  Yes, I truly believe I WANT to be in chastity all of the time…but since I am not brave enough to pack the Steelheart in my carry on…and the travel cage is being modified…and…Friday night/Saturday football games…and…I have developed the will power to not masturbate…I AM VERY CONFLICTED!  I want to be in chastity!  I LOVE how MrsL is so much more playful when I am not in chastity.

Oh, and to add another layer of conflict….it is finally cool enough for open windows for a few weeks.  Open windows means open blinds.  NO CFNM for awhile.

I guess I will just enjoy this extended “breakaway” until the travel cage returns and see what happens.  I am at home this week…who knows I might be participating in LOCKTOBER for a few days?  After all, MrsL will ultimately make the final decision!!!  🙂

 


7 thoughts on “Conflicted

  1. Interesting, so, if it’s changed your behavior, one could argue you are still being held in chastity by only her will. I’d say not masturbating to orgasm for that long is pretty damn amazing, let alone starting then stopping before.
    The biggest tell, in my opinion, is that she wants you out when she wants you out and expects you to still adhere to the rules. If that isn’t an example of owned chastity, I don’t know what is!

    Liked by 1 person

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