MrsL woke up this morning to a missed text from the site director at 25’s sober living residence from last night. It seems he missed curfew and check in last night…and the other residents said he was at his “other apartment.” Obviously we were not happy. So, after her own doctors appointment headed down to this apartment.
He was supposed to go to class today but is not feeling well. The first cold bug of the season has apparently hit and he has it…which means MrsL will have it…and soon thereafter I will have it. But I digress.
MrsL texted me and I stepped out of my meeting for a call. 25 informed us he was checking himself out of the sober living because all of his support (other recovering addicts) were moving out and so was he. He also said he had figured out how to pay for it without our help…wait for it…and is still willing to do weekly random drug monitored drug tests. So, how is he paying for this you ask? The girlfriend is splitting the cost and moving in as well!!!
We voiced our concerns and how we felt he is being dishonest and manipulative. He explained he was afraid to ask us or even bring it to us for discussions because of our past reactions. We asked if he couldn’t see and tell that we were “growing” in our relationship with his sobriety and needed him to do what he is asking us to do…trust us and talk! We agreed, even with knowing the girlfriend is moving in, to help him one time with the sublet rent then he was on his own. However….
MrsL stayed with him to get him to the CVS minute clinic to see if he has step throat and have lunch together. Low and behold she got to sit down with the girlfriend in between a double shift at her new job (I need to give her a name but nothing is coming to mind). I didn’t know she sat down with her and could sense she was concerned when I called earlier, before dinner with the boss. When I called a few minutes ago I found out why she is concerned. The girlfriend is:
- 27 years old, divorced with a 4 & 2 year old that she does not have custody
- Her ex-husband has schizophrenia but since he lives with his parents…they have temporary custody. She wants to get them back (he is not ready for an instant family)!
- She has the materials for her GED and then wants to get her Certified Nurse Practitioner as a stepping stone to becoming a RN.
- She has smoked weed and drank in the past; however, has stopped everything, again in hopes of getting her kids.
- She is estranged from her Mom because she is an addict. She bounced in and out of foster care until 18.
- Her father committed suicide when she was 12…oh…according to her…he had schizophrenia as well. So her kids have a an increased chance of developing it as they grow older.
- She says she is committed to his sobriety
Wow….just fucking wow!
I am still processing what I heard. I am proud of him for actually putting together a plan for this next step. I know he needs to move on. I am simply petrified but know I must let go and let his life unfold in the way it is supposed to unfold.
We are not sure what to do other than send him positive energy / thoughts and give advice / guidance when asked.