I guess I really will never truly be ready for 25 to venture out of treatment! In the back of my mind, even with a solid few weeks of working on my own “recovery” each next step still scares the hell out of me!
He has been in sober living for 2 months with some solid people. We have found out that the location he chose (and we agreed with) isn’t offering all of the services they promised AND advertised. That coupled with a perfect storm of three circumstances has him displaying some of his old addiction traits, truth be told, his personality traits: manipulation and not being truthful until confronted. Here are the there circumstances:
- His manager at his new job is moving back to Atlanta and is looking for someone to sublet his apartment to until December 31st so as not to pay a break fee,
- Two of the people he has found as support in the sober living residence are moving out at the end of the month, AND
- Against all recommendations he has started a relationship with someone and she will “probably” move in with him.
So, he is trying to convince us he is ready for the next step toward moving on with his life. We aren’t ready and since we are still financially supporting him we said we would help as long as she doesn’t move in. Of course, we sensed the manipulation and half truths last week and called him on it. His answer was a bit more mature than in the past…he would become belligerent and insist he was telling the truth. This time he explained how the services were not there, the girl “might” move in, and he was ready to take another “controlled” step on his recovery path.
It appears he has already made the decision as MrsL called him yesterday to discuss our football pool and heard her in the background and asked where he was….”at the apartment.”
So, we are at our first crossroads 4 months in to recovery.
Now to be fair let me explain our/my concerns. This young lady is a high school dropout that has bounced between relatives since she was 9 or 10. He met her while he was using and since then she has had to move from “friends” houses 3 times. He insists she has never used drugs and has quit drinking to support him. She has no plans for her future other than working as a waitress. And, don’t get me wrong I have two of them, has a huge tattoo wrapping up from under her shirt around her neck. Working in corporate America, I know she will have a hard time being taken seriously without at least her GED and concealing that tattoo. Is it possible for her to work in a good job that isn’t corporate Anerica: ABSOLUTELY! Can she do anything she sets her mind to: ABSOLUTELY! Am I being unfair: PROBABLY.
He says she has offered to sit down with MrsL and I for a complete open & honest conversation about her past, present, and future. That has yet to be scheduled so we will see.
I’m torn, confused, and oddly proud. Our conversation about this Thursday was very adult. So we wait. We haven’t decided if we are going to help pay for the apartment and he said we couldn’t insist she not move in if he pays for it…and he is right. His dilemma: he doesn’t have the funds without our help to pay for it.
Oh, I did call the sober living director and called him on some of the services promised. He offered up a feeble excuse about “my boss in Atlanta said we weren’t ready to do this, that, and the other thing…” Not the right answer. When I reminded him it was listed in their brochure and listed in the contract signed he got very apologetic and said he would take my concerns to his boss. Breach of contract is something I don’t like. Now, other than the relationship issue, the director said 25 is one of the most dedicated and determined residents he has ever worked with..so something positive.
I guess I need to let him be an adult and live his life. I am entitled to an opinion and will voice it just as he is entitled to his opinion and actions. I just don’t know if I’ll ever stop worrying about him being own his on!