It was the spring of 1985, yes I am dating myself a bit here, and I was freshman at college 90 minutes from home. I was young.  It was the first time on my own and I was ready to take on the world. Yes, I knew I would never live in my hometown again (but I have never forgotten where I come from or the lessons I learned there) and I was curious about many things.  I was a bit of a ladies man all through high school but was also always dedicated to the young lady I was “dating” at the time.  Okay, so I had a few girlfriends during high school but what guy doesn’t?  I knew all of the “make out spots” around the county and visited them with regularity.   I found out one afternoon that spring just how curious I was about the world…and guys!

Before I go into this confession, of a sort, I need to clarify a couple of things:  a: I have always wanted to be a father; and b: I have always been both emotionally and physically attracted only to women. However, I have also been physically attracted to other guys.  This physical attraction really developed once I got to college.

So, being on a college campus was a very eye opening experience for a small town boy.  Yes, I was confident in my little piece of the pond; however, even 90 minutes from home was a much different place.  Porn was readily available anywhere…anytime….any kind.  I had discovered a seedy little adult bookstore on the other side of town and visited it regularly.  Of course, just about every 7-11 in town carried Penthouse or any of the other erotic stories magazines.  My first Penthouse story was about a guy who was seduced by a girl at a bar and when he got back to her place was tied up and used for her pleasure…that really hit home for me.

I maintained quite the collection of porn and noticed something….I really enjoyed looking at, reading about, and watching anything related to BDSM as well as being sexually aroused looking at and watching men having sex!  I wasn’t sure why I got sexually charged but I did and still do to this day.  I have always noticed good looking people, men and women alike, but had never been truly aroused looking at a guy until I ventured in to one of the little private movie rooms at the adult bookstore.  I flipped through the available videos after depositing my money and all of a sudden found myself watching two big gorgeous men having sex.  I must have went through $10 (a lot of money at the time) watching those two guys and left with a visible stain on my shorts.  This went on once or twice a month, on paydays, and then something happened on campus.

It was a warm rainy day in the spring semester and I had 3 hours between classes but didn’t want to walk all the way back to my dorm.  There was a lounge in the student union with, for the time, big comfortable arm chairs and tables where people would sit and study, eat, read, or nap and I decided to hang out there and do all of the above.  By this time, I had learned what “glory holes” were because just about every restroom on campus had one or two stalls with them and I tried to avoid them whenever possible.  As I was reading I got that feeling that someone was watching me so I put my book down and saw him.  He had curly dirty blond hair, green eyes, and the sexiest legs I had ever seen finished off with wonderfully erotic feet. He had kicked his flip flops off so I had the full view from toes up.   My eyes followed up his legs and were instantly drawn to his crotch were he was gently and indiscreetly maintaining an erection.  I immediately flushed with embarrassment and put the book back up to my face; however, the bulge in my sweats made me look again.  He remained there for a few minutes and we made eye contact several times.  I tried to stay focused on what I was reading  and eventually he got up and left the lounge.

After a few minutes of reading I realized I was still horny as hell and decided I would go down to the nearest restroom, find a stall without a glory hole, and jack off.  Well, that was the plan.  The only open stall had a glory hole and I couldn’t wait.  Hopefully, the guy in the next stall wouldn’t be too long but I didn’t really care!  I went in and tried in vain to stay focused on what I was doing but very quickly realized the guy next to me was doing the exact same thing, masturbating. Suddenly, there was a finger motioning me in to the hole and without thinking I stood up and stuck my raging erection through to the next stall.  That was the best blow job I had ever had and I was surprised that whoever it was didn’t miss a beat when I exploded…swallowing and lapping every drop of cum that my cock gave.  I collapsed back on the toilet and when I looked up was staring at a stiff cock coming through from the other side.  I tried to return the favor but found myself not able to do anything but lick the underside of the shaft.  So, I did the next best thing…I stroked the guy to an orgasm.  After cleaning up the floor, I stepped out of the stall and went to the sink to wash my hands.  Suddenly the stall beside mine opened up and there HE was…all 6’2″ tall of curly dirty blond hair, green eyes, and those legs and feet!  Coincidence?  Maybe.  We exchanged eye contact and both said hello.  I went back to the lounge and he followed and sat down in a chair beside me separated by a little table.   He wrote down a phone number and dorm room number on a piece of paper and left it on the table then got up and walked away…back toward the restroom.  I didn’t follow even though I wanted to!  I don’t know how, but I never saw this guy on campus again.  I never called the number and the dorm he listed was on the opposite side of campus where most of the school’s athletes lived.

There was one other mutual jack off session with an anonymous guy in a hotel room on a business trip but no other sexual encounters with  guys since that day.  We were both at the bar and I noticed his West Point ring and struck up a conversation as fellow Army officers.  One thing led to another and I found myself in his room, both of us naked and stroking each other’s cock to orgasm.  I quickly dressed and left the room.

I am still curious about and physically attracted to men.  Most of the Tumblr accounts I follow are chastity related, BDSM, and men on men (usually chastity and BDSM as well).  Would I ever have a sexual encounter with another guy?  I fantasize about it a lot; but, No!  This will not happen because it wouldn’t be interesting and fun but because I would never want to hurt MrsL.  It took me months to stop feeling guilty over the hotel jack off session even though I don’t consider it as having sex.  I know it was a one time thing.

MrsL and I both talk openly about who we find attractive and I have commented numerous times about hot guys to her and she is okay with me making those comments…she even points out women she finds attractive to me…it is kind of HOT!!  However, I have never come out and said I think it would be great to have sex with one of the hot guys I point out to her and probably never will.  There are some things best left to fantasy!

Oh, so I guess I need to explain how I told MrsL about my true enjoyment of anal sex?  Well, one of my many trips to the adult bookstore in college included purchasing my first dildo.  Seeing guys enjoy anal sex made me want to try it…by myself…and that required purchasing toys.  I started small.  I didn’t meet her until the fall of my junior year so I had been using them on myself for a couple of years when we met.  I brought it up to her a few months in to our dating.  She was staying at my apartment one night and after a little bit to drink I asked her if I could tell her something about me she didn’t know yet.  After answering all of her questions she agreed to start using a finger or two at first.  She was apprehensive but ultimately said anything that makes me feel good she would do for me.  I still have to ask her for anal play but she is always willing.  As I wrote about the other day, the new 8″ dildo gave me the most amazing feeling ever.

I don’t know if these thoughts and fantasies mean I am bisexual and really don’t care.  It is something I have dealt with for a long time and finally writing this down has been very relieving!

2 thoughts on “Curious

  1. It’s an amazing feeling to be open up like this, isn’t it? I don’t know if it makes you bisexual and I don’t think it really matters. Labels are useful in some situations, but not always necessary. You are you and that’s all that matters. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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