This is who I am

Earlier this week, Thumper wrote a thought provoking post on Theater as it relates to chastity.   I couldn’t help but read it three or four times when it first came out and have read it again every day this week.  There is one specific comment in the post that is really ringing true with me these days…granted for MrsL and I it has only been 9 full months:

“After all these years of wearing a device and all those possible orgasms and solo jack off sessions that will never be and the profound changes living like this has had on me, mentally and physically, being a locked man isn’t something I do, it’s what I am.”

This quote really hit home this morning.

After a great week of wonderful intimate contact with MrsL, 3 full orgasms, and the specter of being allowed to have another one tonight, I found myself sitting in the bathroom this morning staring at an unlocked full on morning erection.  I am guy.  I guy who for the better part of my life masturbated on a regular basis so in the back of my head that little voice started chirping… “go ahead…she’s asleep and will never know…”

What did I do?  I reached up and touched the lock charm she bought me to wear and thought about the quote from Thumper’s blog and realized chastity and letting her control my orgasms is not something I am doing any more…it truly is what and who I am.  I closed my eyes for a second and took a few deep breaths to refocus and let things relax!  Even though I thought about it…and really wanted to…I did not break the trust I have worked so hard to build these past 9 months and jack off.

I must admit I am a little amped up right now but I didn’t put the Steelheart on.  She has made it clear that she is now in complete control of when I put it on and when I take it off and has thoroughly enjoyed teasing me all week.  I mean anytime she has a chance this week she has had her hands on my crotch or in my pants rubbing, stroking, or squeezing and it has been awesome.  She has already informed me that after she allows one more orgasm the Steelheart is going back on for quite some time and even though I have enjoyed the unlocked “orgasm control” aspect this week I am anxious and excited about being locked up again.


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