I just got off of my Thursday night FaceTime call with MrsL to take off the metal lock and put on the plastic seal for my return flight tomorrow afternoon. During the call MrsL kept asking me what was wrong, why are you not smiling, why, why, why. I knew I felt “different” over the past couple of days but was unaware of just how much it was showing all over my face. I feel disconnected and have no energy.
In the past, pre-chastity, when I would travel I would think about my wonderful Wife once a day and usually at night when I was talking to her. We didn’t even use FaceTime. When I would get home, there was no interaction between the two of us: me because I was tired and her because she was feeling…well I don’t know what she was feeling because we didn’t talk. That dynamic alone should have been enough to make me realize I really needed to focus on her and stop focusing on me.
Now, when I am at not traveling and working from home I am completely and totally connected to MrsL. I have enough drive, desire, and energy to light up Manhattan. It is wonderfully fulfilling. I can touch her, brush her hair, massage her feet, cuddle up behind her in bed, and simply just be near her. Of course, being able to please her orally, most of the time. I also want and NEED to be near her.
However, I also want and NEED the constant teasing, denying, and overall constant horniness that comes with being near her. Unfortunately, when traveling MrsL seems to forget about that aspect of the enforced chastity lifestyle and it completely saps my energy and my mood. Okay, so maybe these feeling are wrong and still about me?!?! I guess half of the problem is realizing it is a problem. This is twice in the same month that one of us has traveled. The grumpiness and loss of energy was even more pronounced when she went out of town on her business trip earlier this month because she never remembers to even call. When I call her, it is late at night and she is tired and ready to go to bed. When I travel, she is afraid to text me those little messages that will drive me crazy because she is afraid someone might pick up my phone. When we FaceTime at night there is no physical or mental teasing…just talking…unless I am changing my lock under her supervision.
I don’t know what causes this drop in energy and grumpy feelings. If you believe everything you read online about male orgasms and the “refractory” period one would assume that I would feel this way after having an orgasm but that isn’t the case for me, at least right now. I feel this way the longer I go without being teased by MrsL! I feel this way the longer I can’t touch and carress her. I guess you could describe it as a bit of malaise…simply going through the motions. My mind wanders, which makes it difficult when I am interviewing someone or analyzing corporate reports looking for indications of fraud. The little tweaks and pinching from the Bon4 seem magnified 100 times when we are apart. I so desparately just want to rip it off and throw it away and masturbate…thinking it would make things better but knowing it would only make them worse. So, I muddle through.
As I am writing this, MrsL and I are texting and she continued to call me on being “pouty”. I told her I was feeling disconnected and would try to explain it to her tomorrow night when I got home. I hate feeling this disconnected from her!!